New Girl Spec Script Getting Home
by cbstevp
Summary: It's the day after Cece's non-wedding and everyone is trying to get home, but it won't be as easy as they think. Nick is trying to avoid Jess' Dad, Schmidt is trying to avoid Cece and Elizabeth, and Winston is laid up in the hospital. Decision are made, hijinks ensue, and a big surprise is in store for one character.


_Hi. Here is my take on what happens the day after Cece's wedding. It's done in script style like my last two efforts and should be considered an extensive of The Two Foot Rule and Zombie, so read them first. This one may seem shorter but it is actually closer to the real 22 minute sitcom format._

FADE IN

INT. HOTEL ROOM - MORNING

TITLE CARD - THE MORNING AFTER CECE'S NON-WEDDING

NICK is sitting at a table in a very nice big hotel room. He is wearing a white bathrobe. On the table are many plates of breakfast food, bacon and eggs, sausages and ham, toast, fruit, cups of coffee, bagels, orange juice, etc. Nick is putting cream cheese on a bagel.

NICK

(to himself)

Breakfast is the best meal of the day by far.

JESS comes out of the bathroom, wearing an identical white bathrobe, a towel wrapped around her hair, her face damp, as she just showered. Her eyes go wide as she sees all the food.

JESS

Nick! What's all this?

NICK

Breakfast. I called room service while you were in the shower. Come on, dig in!

He puts the bagel on the plate on Jess' side of the table as she sits.

JESS

Did you order everything on the menu?

NICK

Zombie money.

JESS

What?

NICK

I've never been able to afford what I wanted before. They asked me what I wanted and I couldn't stop myself! Now I got this zombie book money I'm going to have fun!

Jess sips some orange juice, picks up the bagel.

JESS

Yeah, OK, I get it, but you really need to try to save some of that money. I mean this fancy hotel, and now this breakfast, OK, this is all very nice. But you don't know what the future will bring.

NICK

Yeah, you're right. After today no more wasting money.

(smiling)

But I just know the future will be good with you there.

She blushes a bit as he reaches across the table and takes her hand, they smile at each other and then Jess' face falls a bit.

JESS

(sighs)

It's time to join the real world again.

NICK

(slight sigh)

Yeah.

Jess takes a bite of her bagel and then they both stand up and go to the unmade bed. Each reaches for their cell phone on the opposite side tables. They look at each other across the bed and nod at the same time and then turn on their cell phones. After a few seconds Jess' eyes go wide.

JESS

Oh, God. Thirty-six text messages. And ten voice mails!

NICK

Well, that beats me. Twelve texts and two voice mails.

He hits a button.

SCHMIDT

(excited, nervous)

Nick! Where are you? I sent you a lot, I mean a lot, of text messages! I need you! Cece and Elizabeth are fighting over me! I panicked and ran away! I can't go home! I'm afraid they are waiting for me there. And I can't decide! Help!

Meanwhile Jess has listened to one of her voice mails.

CECE

(sad)

Call me, Jess. I know you are probably with Nick somewhere, having fun, but...call me. I...I need you.

JESS

God. I need to go see her...wait. This one's from my Dad. Dad! Oh, God! We left him alone!

BOB

(worried)

Jess, where are you? I'm at the apartment but no one is here. I don't have a key, my suitcase is inside, it's dark and this neighborhood is not the greatest! Call me before I get mugged!

JESS

Oh, man...wait, here's another one from him.

BOB

(relieved)

Okay, I'm inside, I'm fine now, no worries. Your neighbor with the big dog let me in. I'm at her place. She's been telling me the strangest story about a lady's coat and Rick...Bick...what's his name. Turtle face. Call me.

NICK

Oh, no, that woman hates me. Not good, not good at all!

JESS

(flustered)

Come on, let's get dressed. We have to go. His plane to Portland leaves this afternoon.

NICK

Wait a sec. There's a message from Winston.

WINSTON

(trippy voice)

Hey, man! I'm in the hospital, and they gave me some fine pain meds. By the way, the police might arrest me for stealing that badger. I'm at LA Memorial. I'd cry but I'm too loopy. I need you, Nick. _(Laughs_) No, seriously (_laughs_) I need help!

NICK

Turn off your cell phone for a night and the world falls apart.

JESS

And we thought we were the mess.

NICK

We might actually be the sane ones now. So, what are we going to do?

JESS

You go to Winston, I'll go home and see my Dad. And we'll deal with Cece and Schmidt later.

Nick looks at her, uncertainty on his face.

NICK

What are you going to tell your Dad? About where you spent the night.

JESS

Nothing. That's not his business, it's ours.

NICK

He's going to ask. He's going to figure it out if you say it's none of his business. He'll know you were with me.

JESS

Then...we'll lie. I was with Cece and you were with the guys.

NICK

No, no! You know I can't hold up. If he sees me I'll start to sweat and he'll know!

JESS

Then he won't see you. Stay away. Help Winston and Schmidt and don't come home until I call and say he's gone.

NICK

That's a plan! (beat) But first we're going to finish this breakfast.

PLAY THEME SONG AND ROLL CREDITS

INT. LOFT ENTRANCE, HALLWAY - DAY

Jess, in her wedding sari, and BOB, still in suit and tie, enter the loft.

BOB

I don't understand. You left me all alone in this big strange city. What has come of the little girl I raised and love?

Jess puts her keys in the dish by the door.

JESS

Dad, I told you I'm sorry. You ran away from the badger, and then Cece needed me and...other stuff happened, and then my cell phone battery drained and...

Just then her cell phone rings in her purse. Jess looks surprised and Bob looks disappointed.

BOB

Cell phone battery drained? Come on, Jess. You were with him. Don't lie, I know it.

JESS

No, I recharged it this morning. I...Dad!

He walks away toward the kitchen as Jess, very flustered, answers her phone.

JESS (CONT'D)

(low voice)

Cece! Hi! Sorry...I'll be there...what...Elizabeth called you? Okay. I guess lunch with her would be a good idea...yeah, clear the air. Good luck. Call me later.

Jess comes into the kitchen. Bob is making coffee.

BOB

You hungry?

JESS

No. I ate at...I ate. Look, Dad...why do you hate Nick?

Bob stops what he is doing.

BOB

I don't hate him. I just think he's not good enough for you. That's all, end of story.

JESS

You're wrong. He is good enough. More than good enough.

BOB

Jess. The two of you and a badger fell out of an air vent onto your best friend's wedding ceremony. What's that all about?

JESS

It's hard to explain.

Bob sits down on a stool with coffee in hand.

BOB

My plane leaves in three hours. I've got time.

INT. HOSPITAL ROOM - DAY

WINSTON is lying in a bed, in hospital gown, his upper right arm bandaged, an IV line in his left arm. Nick is there, in his suit from the wedding, a bit rumply, tie off. A black NURSE, very large and buxom, is standing by Winston's bed explaining things to Nick. Winston has a silly grin on his face as he stares at the Nurse.

NURSE

(to Nick)

Any animal bite is highly infectious and contains the possibility of rabies. So we're keeping him for another day at least.

NICK

Okay. Thanks.

WINSTON

(loopy voice)

Yeah, thanks sugar.

The Nurse smiles at him.

NURSE

I'll be back later for your sponge bath...sugar.

She leaves and Nick looks surprised, looking from her to Winston, eyes wide.

NICK

Is she a naughty nurse? For real?

WINSTON

She feels my mojo, man.

NICK

Not exactly my fantasy but if she turns your crank, go for it.

He leans in close and whispers.

NICK (CONT'D)

You didn't mention to the cops my role in Bucky's adventures, did you?

WINSTON

No, it's all cool, man. Police said the hotel where the wedding was doesn't want the bad publicity so nobody is pressing charges.

NICK

So what about those college kids from Wisconsin?

WINSTON

They got Bucky back, and don't want the people back home to know how careless they were with their prize mascot...so we're good.

Nick seems relieved.

NICK

So how did you get him in the first place?

WINSTON

Them hick country kids. Told them I was Eddie Murphy and wanted to show Bucky to my kids. They fell for it.

NICK

You? Eddie Murphy? Yeah, I can see it, especially in that ugly orange leather suit.

WINSTON

Hey! Don't diss the suit! A man who wears a yellow track suit to a bar does not get to diss my leathers!

NICK

That was my Dad's track suit! Dead Dad pass!

WINSTON

It's been a month, Nick. Dead Dad pass revoked!

NICK

(aghast)

NOOOOO!

Just then SCHMIDT walks into the room, still in the clothes he wore to the wedding, looking disheveled.

SCHMIDT

Morning.

NICK

Sleep in your car?

SCHMIDT

Yeah. You?

NICK

Hotel.

SCHMIDT

You and Jess?

NICK

(grinning)

You better believe it. It was fantas...

SCHMIDT AND WINSTON

NO! STOP!

SCHMIDT

Details of that nature we do not need!

NICK

Okay. Chill out.

SCHMIDT

(to Winston)

How's the arm?

WINSTON

I'll live. Man, we really busted up that wedding.

SCHMIDT

The stupidest thing I ever did! I am the dumbest boy in school!

Nick

What? I thought you wanted Cece back. That's why you got back with Elizabeth, wasn't it? To make Cece jealous?

SCHMIDT

Yes! But now...now they both want me. I can't frickin' choose!

WINSTON

Go with your heart, man.

SCHMIDT

My heart wants both of them. Cece for the amazing sex we had. And Elizabeth...she...she knows the real me, not...not...

NICK

The douchebag you've become?

SCHMIDT

Exactly! I am the douchebag to end all douchebags.

WINSTON

That's ten bucks you owe me, Nick. I told you he'd admit to it one day.

Nick pulls out a nice wallet and forks over a ten spot.

WINSTON (CONT'D)

For real? You're going to pay me? Now? What is the world coming to?

NICK

Zombie money.

SCHMIDT

He even bought a real wallet. Little Nicky is growing up.

NICK

Yup. Got a sweet girlfriend, got a wallet, and I got money in it. Life is good. My first credit card, here I come!

SCHMIDT

Guys, what am I going to do? I think I love both of them.

NICK

Become a Mormon.

WINSTON

Problem solved.

SCHMIDT

There are no Jewish Mormons, Nick! Now who's the dumbest boy in school.

INT. LOFT, LIVING ROOM - DAY

Jess has changed her clothes, now wearing a colorful summer dress. Bob has changed as well, wearing pants and checkered shirt. They sit on the sofa, talking.

JESS

And then he shouted for them to turn on the lights and they did!

BOB

Let me get this straight. He shouted to a bunch of houses at 3 AM, at Christmas time, woke up a bunch of people, and then he missed his flight, and his mother got mad at him? And this makes him a good guy?

Jess is frustrated.

JESS

You don't get it. He did it for me!

BOB

No, I get it. He's a romantic, he's done lots of nice, sweet things for you since you met him, and you like that, what girl wouldn't. So...when do we get to why you guys had to end up in a vent system with a badger?

JESS

I'm getting there!

Her cell phone rings.

JESS (CONT'D)

Oh, it's Nick.

She answers the phone.

JESS (CONT'D)

Hi!...How is Winston? Okay...Cece? No, she's not here...Elizabeth either. In fact they are having lunch together at the cafe down the street from here...No, don't tell Schmidt!... Nick! You told him!... What? No. Stay there! Don't go near that cafe! Don't come home, any of you!

She hangs up and stands.

BOB

Trouble in paradise?

JESS

I have to go help Cece.

BOB

How will I get to the airport? I don't trust taxi drivers in this city.

JESS

Just wait. I won't be long and then I'll give you a ride.

She gets up and goes to the door. She stops and turns.

JESS (CONT'D)

Dad...Nick is a good guy. One of the best. I...I just hope some day you'll know him the way I do.

Bob says nothing.

JESS (CONT'D)

I gotta go help Cece.

EXT. CAFE PATIO - DAY

ELIZABETH and CECE sit at a table on an outdoor patio of a cafe. They have salads in front of them and fruity drinks. They pick at their food and they both seem nervous.

ELIZABETH

This is a nice place.

CECE

Schmidt took me here once.

ELIZABETH

Oh.

Awkward pause.

CECE

How long did you date?

ELIZABETH

Four years, most of college and a bit after.

CECE

I didn't know it was that long.

ELIZABETH

Seemed longer.

They both have a small laugh.

CECE

He's quite the man.

ELIZABETH

He's not the same man as when I knew him.

CECE

The weight loss?

ELIZABETH

That...and his personality.

CECE

I get that. He can be sweet. When he wants to be. But sometimes...You know that in the loft they have a jar for...

ELIZABETH

The douchebag jar? I saw it. I asked him about it and he admitted that 90% of the money that goes into comes from him.

CECE

(slight laugh)

Yeah, that's him.

ELIZABETH

No, it isn't. He's trying to change, trying to be a better man, trying to...

She is distracted and looks past Cece.

ELIZABETH (CONT'D)

Oh, no.

CECE

What?

She turns and looks and then both of their faces fall. Across the street, sitting in Schmidt's car is Schmidt with a pair of binoculars, looking at them.

ELIZABETH and CECE

I'll kill him.

INT. SCHMIDT'S CAR - DAY

Schmidt is in the driver's seat, with binoculars pointing toward the cafe patio. Nick is in the passenger seat fiddling with an electronic device that has earphones and a receiving dish on it. In the back seat is Winston, still in his hospital robe, holding an expensive looking camera.

SCHMIDT

Hurry up, Nick. I want to hear what they are saying.

NICK

(re:device)

Why do you even have this?

SCHMIDT

For just these situations.

Winston leans over the seat. He is all loopy again.

WINSTON

Let's just go in and have lunch with them. I'm hungry.

SCHMIDT

(mad)

I did not break you out of the hospital to make silly suggestions! You're in charge of video!

Winston holds the camera and pulls it up and starts taking pictures.

WINSTON

Oh, a bird.

He snaps another picture.

SCHMIDT

No birds! Cece and Elizabeth! Switch to video, damn it.

NICK

It's working!

He hands the earphones to Schmidt who puts them on and points the dish to the cafe.

SCHMIDT

Wait. Yes...I can hear them... they...oh...they're mad.

He pulls the earphones away and winches.

CECE AND ELIZABETH

(from earphones)

DOUCHEBAG!

Winston laughs.

WINSTON

I've never seen two women give you the finger before Schmidt. One, many times. Not two at the same time.

NICK

I have. Twice. No, three times now.

Schmidt sighs.

SCHMIDT

Well, spy brothers, our cover is blown.

He starts the engine.

NICK

What are you doing?

SCHMIDT

Running away, of course.

Nick reaches over and turns off the engine.

NICK

They saw you! Go talk to them!

SCHMIDT

I'm not ready for this!

There is a knock on the driver's window. It's Jess.

NICK

Oh no!

He tries to hide his face with his suit jacket.

JESS

(mad)

Roll down the window!

Schmidt shakes his head 'no' like a frightened little boy.

JESS (CONT'D)

SCHMIDT!

She opens the back door and slides in beside Winston.

JESS (CONT'D)

You idiots! What are you doing here?

NICK

It was Schmidt's idea.

WINSTON

Smile, Jess.

She smiles and he takes her picture. Then she hits Nick's shoulder.

JESS

(to Nick)

You told him where they were, Nick! They just want to talk and figure out what to do.

WINSTON

Yeah, leave them alone.

Jess looks at him oddly.

JESS

Why are you in a hospital gown? Are you high?

WINSTON

Yeah, baby.

He takes another picture of her and she smiles just in time.

JESS

Did you idiots break him out of the hospital?

SCHMIDT

Yes, and please stop calling us idiots.

She smacks Schmidt's shoulder.

JESS

Idiots!

She hits Nick again and then Schmidt again and then Nick once more.

NICK

(cowering)

Hit Winston, too!

Winston sticks his jaw out.

WINSTON

Take your best shot, baby.

Jess shakes her head.

JESS

Just...go.

SCHMIDT

Fine. Let's go home guys.

JESS

Not Nick. My father is still there.

SCHMIDT

So?

JESS

He's...he's still mad about...about us.

Nick shakes his head.

NICK

I have to talk to him, Jess. He...

JESS

No...I...I don't know.

Schmidt meanwhile has picked up the binoculars again.

SCHMIDT

Oh, no. Cece is walking away crying and Elizabeth is sitting there crying.

JESS

I have to go help Cece.

She sighs and hands her car keys to Nick.

JESS (CONT'D)

Nick...take my car. Drive my father to the airport.

Nick nods.

NICK

Okay.

Jess opens the door, looks back at Nick.

JESS

Tell him I'm sorry I couldn't say goodbye. And...and try not to tick him off. Please.

Nick gives a thumbs up and she leaves, shaking her head, and then runs after Cece.

WINSTON

What about Elizabeth?

Schmidt sighs.

SCHMIDT

I guess that's my cue.

He opens the door, gets out, and walks toward the cafe. Nick and Winston get out as well.

EXT. STREET, ACROSS FROM CAFE - DAY

Nick and Winston walk back to Jess' car, parked behind Schmidt's. Nick heads for the driver's side.

NICK

Home or the hospital?

WINSTON

Hospital man! I got a sponge bath coming to me!

EXT. STREET, NEAR CAFE - DAY

Jess runs after Cece.

JESS

(shouting)

Cece, wait!

She catches up to her.

CECE

Jess...just...I don't want to talk about it.

JESS

Come on. Let me help. What happened?

CECE

She...she's so nice!

JESS

I know.

CECE

I so wish she was a bitch so I could hate her but she isn't a bitch. She said she would give him up so he could be happy.

JESS

Oh, God. She is nice!

CECE

I can't do that to him. He needs her, someone like her. I'd just ruin him.

JESS

No, you wouldn't! Don't say that!

Cece shakes her head.

CECE

Jess, I belong to a different world. A world where I lose my virginity to Mick Jagger, spend New Years with a gun runner, and get an illegal fish at a whim. Schmidt wants to be a part of that world. But not really.

JESS

No...not really. But...you love him.

CECE

So does Elizabeth. He needs someone like her. To remind him of who he really is. I...oh...what...oh, no...

Then suddenly she looks weird, her eyes getting big.

JESS

What's wrong?

CECE

I think I'm going to be sick!

And then she is sick, puking on the sidewalk.

JESS

(worried)

Cece!

CECE

Oh, no, no, no, no! It can't be! I've only slept with one man!

JESS

What? What are you saying?

EXT. CAFE - DAY

Schmidt sits with Elizabeth, whose eyes are a bit red.

ELIZABETH

You're still wearing the same suit. You didn't shave.

SCHMIDT

I didn't go home yet. I slept in my car.

ELIZABETH

We saw you.

SCHMIDT

I heard you. Yes, I am a douchebag.

ELIZABETH

But...you don't have to be. You can be Big Guy again.

SCHMIDT

I'll never be Big Guy again, Elizabeth.

ELIZABETH

Not physically, but...anyway, it doesn't matter. I told Cece I would step aside for you guys.

SCHMIDT

Is that why Cece was crying?

ELIZABETH

Yeah.

She seems on the verge of tears now.

ELIZABETH (CONT'D)

Go to her. That's what you want. That's why you sabotaged her wedding and that's why you got back with me, to make her jealous. Well, it worked. Go to her. It's what you want.

Schmidt shakes his head.

SCHMIDT

No. This is what I want.

She is wide eyed and teary eyed as he leans in and kisses her passionately.

EXT. HIGHWAY - DAY

Nick and Bob are in Jess' car, Nick driving. Nick is in causal clothes now.

INT. JESS' CAR - DAY

Nick and Bob are silent. Nick keeps glancing over at him and finally Bob has had enough.

BOB

What? Stop doing that.

NICK

Why do you hate me, Bob?

BOB

I don't hate you.

NICK

You don't want me to go near your daughter. What's that all about?

BOB

Are we doing this? Right now?

NICK

Yeah, let's do this!

BOB

That was not...fine. You want to do it, let's do it. What are your future plans?

Nick is taken aback.

NICK

Plans? I don't...

BOB

There. See. No plan. Bartender for life? That's perfect. Just what a father wants for his only daughter.

NICK

You didn't give me a chance. I'm a writer, Bob!

BOB

What? That stupid zombie novel?

NICK

It's a big seller.

BOB

Jess told me all about it. It's just a gimmick. A flash in the pan. A one hit wonder.

NICK

I'm working on the next one already.

BOB

(skeptical)

You are? What is it? More zombies? A part two?

NICK

It's a detective story.

BOB

(surprised)

Really? Oh...

Bob is silent.

NICK

Oh?

BOB

I...I kind of like detective stories.

NICK

So did my Dad. I read all the great detective writers growing up. Mickey Spillane...

BOB

Ellery Queen...

NICK

Dashiell Hammett...

NICK AND BOB

James Ellroy.

NICK

Yeah.

They look at each other. Bob grins and Nick smiles.

BOB

What's it about?

NICK

Julius Pepperwood is a detective in Chicago and Jessica Knight is his secretary and love interest.

Bob's grin falls.

BOB

Jessica Knight? Change it. Change it, right this second!

NICK

No, Bob! It's a great name!

They continue to bicker as we pull away from the car entering the airport.

EXT. PARKING LOT, LA AIRPORT - DAY

Nick parks and they get out of the car. Nick opens the trunk and Bob gets his bag.

BOB

(looking about)

Which way is departures?

Nick points to the big yellow sign that says "Departures" and has an arrow.

NICK

That way.

BOB

Well...goodbye.

NICK

Bye.

Bob starts to walk away. Nick seems frustrated and then just shouts to him.

NICK (CONT'D)

I love her.

Bob stops and turns.

BOB

What?

Nick walks closer to him.

NICK

Bob...I love Jess.

BOB

This is supposed to make me feel better about you?

NICK

I don't know. I just...I'm trying hard, for her, because I love her. I want to be a better man. I know you're right, I'm a mess. I have no direction. I drink too much and I work in a bar, so...that's a problem. Being a writer is a risk and...I just...I just want her to be happy.

BOB

Nick...she is happy...with you.

NICK

(surprised)

Really?

BOB

I know my little girl and I know when she is happy and when she is sad. With you, for whatever crazy reason, she's happy. Go home, Nick.

Nick walks to him and gives him a big hug and Bob is very uncomfortable.

NICK

(emotional)

Thanks, Bob.

Bob pats his back.

BOB

Okay, okay. There, there. Okay. You can let go now.

NICK

It's just so comfortable.

BOB

Not for me.

Nick still hugs him.

BOB (CONT'D)

My plane leaves in an hour. Are we going to be done by then?

INT. LOFT, BATHROOM - DAY

Cece and Jess are bent over and staring hard at a pregnancy test on the sink.

JESS

So...when did you first suspect?

CECE

I'm more than a week late.

JESS

That's a clue.

CECE

And I've gotten sick three times in the last week. Four times now.

JESS

Clue number two.

CECE

I thought it was just wedding stress. But now...

Suddenly both of their eyes go very wide as they look at the pregnancy test.

CECE AND JESS

Oh, God.

JESS

Well...on the bright side...it is what you wanted.

Cece glares at her and smacks her arm.

CECE

You're not helping!

JESS

Ow, man! Okay, sorry!

Cece's body sags and she leans on the sink.

CECE

What am I going to do? What do I tell Schmidt?

JESS

It's only been him? Right?

CECE

Yeah.

JESS

When?

CECE

The night of the Indian wedding convention.

JESS

The day after Nick first kissed me. The day Sam broke up with me. The day you got...

CECE

Yeah. What a day.

INT. LOFT, LIVING ROOM - DAY

Schmidt enters.

SCHMIDT

Home at last.

Just then Cece and Jess come down the hall, surprised to see Schmidt there.

JESS

Oh. Hello.

SCHMIDT

Ladies. Cece...we need to talk.

CECE

Yeah. I have something to tell you, too.

Jess walks away.

JESS

I'll make tea.

She moves to the kitchen.

CECE

You first.

SCHMIDT

I...I made a decision.

CECE

(expectant)

Yes?

SCHMIDT

I...really care about you...but...

Cece's face falls.

CECE

You've decided to be with Elizabeth.

SCHMIDT

Yes. I know that makes me a bit of a douchebag, for ruining your wedding and all. I...

CECE

You're not a douchebag. My wedding was ruined from the moment I decided to marry a man I didn't love. And apparently he didn't love me either.

SCHMIDT

Yeah. Who was she?

CECE

Someone who loves him.

A long silence.

SCHMIDT

So...so, you wanted to tell me something?

CECE

What? Oh...I...I just wanted to tell you to pick Elizabeth. You deserve each other.

SCHMIDT

Thanks.

He gives her a hug and she is on the verge of tears. Schmidt walks past her and to the kitchen, and then to his room.

Jess comes out of the kitchen area with two cups of tea.

CECE

Did you...?

JESS

All of it. Sorry.

They sit and sip tea. Cece puts the cup down on the coffee table.

CECE

I need a real drink.

JESS

You can't.

CECE

God. Maybe I should just...he doesn't want me. What am I going to do with a baby?

Jess looks very worried now.

JESS

Listen. You just found out, and from a home test at that. You need to go see Sadie, take the real tests, and then make a choice. And before you do something really crazy, you have to tell Schmidt.

Cece nods and leans back in the sofa.

CECE

I'm supposed to be on my honeymoon.

INT. LOFT, JESS' ROOM - NIGHT

Jess and Nick sit on her bed, facing each other, holding hands.

JESS

And he wasn't mad?

NICK

No...not really. The hug threw him, but otherwise he seemed fine.

JESS

That's a good sign. I called him before he departed and he seemed better.

NICK

Good. So, what happened with the love triangle?

JESS

Schmidt picked Elizabeth.

Nick nods.

NICK

I thought he would. She's his first real love.

JESS

Yeah. Poor Cece. She...nevermind.

NICK

(puzzled)

Okay. Let's go to bed.

JESS

Wait. What happened to Winston? Where is he?

ROLL END CREDITS

INT. HOSPITAL ROOM - NIGHT

The big Nurse is giving Winston his sponge bath. As he lies on his stomach, she is washing his back.

NURSE

You were a bad boy. You ran away.

WINSTON

I came back. Just for you, baby.

NURSE

Uh-huh. You know what we do to bad boys in this hospital, just to make sure they behave?

Winston grins.

WINSTON

I hope it's something naughty.

NURSE

Oh, it is. GIRLS!

Two more nurses appear, one white, one Asian.

WINSTON

(grinning madly)

This can't be happening. My dream come true.

NURSE

More like a nightmare, sugar. Bring out the enema machine!

The two new nurses have a diabolical looking machine with tubes and bags hanging from it.

Winston is now bug-eyed. They pull a screen around his bed and all we can see are their shadows.

WINSTON (O.S.)

Enema machine! No...no...stop it...what are you doing... NOOOOOOOO!

FADE OUT


End file.
